I love the little moments when God opens my mind up to something new that I didn't understand before. That "Oh, this clicks" moment. In the last two days, He's done this for me twice.
I think He blesses us in two ways with these moments. The first is, of course, whatever wisdom He allows us to understand. Spiritual growth is an absolutely incredible feeling when you realize it's happening.
The second way is that we're reminded just how far we are from having things all figured out. From knowing everything. We have that sensation of a window opening in our minds, and then realize the excitement of all the windows God can still open.
Yesterday, God opened this window for me: At the church, I am surrounded daily by people with more wisdom, knowledge and experience than me. People who can teach me so much about not only the work I am doing, but also about the way I know and serve God. Instead of trying to impress these people all the time, why not humbly learn from them? The first option preserves my pride, but the second option makes me a person who serves God and others better. And isn't that more impressive in the ways that matter anyway?
Today, I went with Josh and Joyce to the Operation Christmas Child processing center to inspect and package shoeboxes. Now, here's a fact about me, even though admitting it makes me feel like a bad person. Mercy is not one of my spiritual gifts. When I hear a sad story, I am not the first person to cry. It's not that I don't care. I do. It doesn't come naturally to me to emotionally step into others' shoes, especially if it's an experience that's completely foreign to me.
So, window number 2. As I was working with the shoeboxes today, I got so excited about the big picture of what was going on. The 650,000 kids who would get presents and hopefully the message of Christ just from the Denver processing center alone.
As I was filling cartons with shoeboxes according to gender and age, I started praying over them. The more I prayed, the more connected I felt to the whole purpose of what was going on. It was so cool to think about the 5-year-old boys and 12-year-old girls whose lives God will change.
Ephesians 6:18 says, And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
God is showing me, through this experience and other recent ones, that it's not just about serving in the areas where I'm gifted. Maybe He doesn't want me to always be comfortable. Maybe it's not as simple as doing what you're naturally good at. Yes, I can sing and communicate without that much effort, but when He pushes me to pray for people who I would typically never think about, my heart feels so overflowing with God's love!
So, if I had to describe this window more succinctly, I would say this: Don't limit God based on what you have to offer. Realize that He has everything to offer and can grow you in whatever area He wants to.
There's a song by Chris Taylor called Symphony, and this part of the song describes so well the moment of getting a glimpse of God's wisdom:
When I finally see what you see
There's a symphony
I hear a symphony
Words cannot describe
What it means to be
In your symphony
In your symphony
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Hearing from God
Over the last week, I've been trying to explain to some of the girls in my lifegroup how God speaks to us through the Bible. It's hard to explain that God speaks to us in totally practical ways through His Word and that it's not a mystical process that we have to do all the right, magical things to enable.
I feel like I can't make sense of it even now.
But really, the best way to get it is to experience it. This weekend, I didn't actually sit down in the morning and have an intentional quiet time. On Saturday night, I was going over some handouts for a new faith and baptism class. I was looking up some verses that I could use to talk about accepting Christ when I saw verses in the handout about daily life as a new Christian and forgiveness. The verse in the handout said:
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Hebrews 2:18
That made me think of a verse that I knew was in the letters somewhere about God providing a way out from temptation. So I looked around and found this verse, one I had taken to heart back in high school:
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
I have known this verse for a long time, but it's not until you feel like there is no way you are strong enough to overcome an ongoing struggle that you are truly comforted by this promise: God will not let you be tempted beyond your limits, because you are so valuable to Him. That means that whatever you're going through, you can get through it. Don't give up. And when it gets to be too much, He will rescue you. So have peace.
I am blessed with friends who encourage and challenge me, but I needed to hear that promise directly from God. The Bible is the only way to get that. And He used a completely unrelated study I was doing to point me to that promise.
Today, God led me to the next step. He had promised me that He would carry me through temptation, but then He reminded me that rather than living in frustration with my weakness, He wants me to live in awe of His awesome power! What a difference!
I wanted to encourage a friend, and a phrase just popped into my head: "made perfect in weakness." Thank goodness for Bible Gateway! I looked it up and found this verse:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
What an awesome God I serve, that He not only walks through the valleys with me, but His power and grace are so great that He doesn't need me to be perfect before He can love and use me.
And what an awesome gift we have in the Bible, that He can use it at any time and in any situation to speak truth and love into our lives.
I feel like I can't make sense of it even now.
But really, the best way to get it is to experience it. This weekend, I didn't actually sit down in the morning and have an intentional quiet time. On Saturday night, I was going over some handouts for a new faith and baptism class. I was looking up some verses that I could use to talk about accepting Christ when I saw verses in the handout about daily life as a new Christian and forgiveness. The verse in the handout said:
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Hebrews 2:18
That made me think of a verse that I knew was in the letters somewhere about God providing a way out from temptation. So I looked around and found this verse, one I had taken to heart back in high school:
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
I have known this verse for a long time, but it's not until you feel like there is no way you are strong enough to overcome an ongoing struggle that you are truly comforted by this promise: God will not let you be tempted beyond your limits, because you are so valuable to Him. That means that whatever you're going through, you can get through it. Don't give up. And when it gets to be too much, He will rescue you. So have peace.
I am blessed with friends who encourage and challenge me, but I needed to hear that promise directly from God. The Bible is the only way to get that. And He used a completely unrelated study I was doing to point me to that promise.
Today, God led me to the next step. He had promised me that He would carry me through temptation, but then He reminded me that rather than living in frustration with my weakness, He wants me to live in awe of His awesome power! What a difference!
I wanted to encourage a friend, and a phrase just popped into my head: "made perfect in weakness." Thank goodness for Bible Gateway! I looked it up and found this verse:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
What an awesome God I serve, that He not only walks through the valleys with me, but His power and grace are so great that He doesn't need me to be perfect before He can love and use me.
And what an awesome gift we have in the Bible, that He can use it at any time and in any situation to speak truth and love into our lives.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Where is my worth?
I realized yesterday in a conversation with Josh that something deep in me is not necessarily in everyone.
I want everyone to think I'm perfect. It upsets me when people see my faults, and it devastates me when people don't like me. I try to hide my faults and mistakes from Josh as much as possible because i think the more bad qualities he sees in me, the less he'll love me.
I told him this yesterday. I said, "Don't you feel that way?" He said no.
What I realized through the rest of our conversation is that I base so much of my confidence on being "perfect" and being likeable to everyone that when I am criticized, I receive it as a criticism of who I am, my whole identity, instead of a criticism of a behavior I can change.
Josh said, "I am a confident person. When you don't like something I do, I know I can change it."
This isn't how my brain works. I said, if you're a confident person, why are you so willing to change?
He said, "because my confidence isn't in my behaviors. Those aren't who I am." Then he explained it this way, which has been simmering in my head for the last 24 hours:
It's like with our salvation. Christ loves us. We're His. But we don't become His and then never change. We're called to be imitators of Christ. Christ was humble, yet He was perfect. We aren't perfect at all, so we need to be humble and then be willing to change to be like Him. Admitting fault is not the same as admitting worthlessness.
This idea of Christ embracing humility in spite of His perfection is in Philippians 2:3-11.
I think this is a big key to being a good apologizer that I've been missing. Admitting that you're wrong and apologizing is not admitting that you're worthless. It is having enough confidence in what is right that you are willing to change the things that are wrong.
It's not being afraid of being wrong, because you truly want to do what's right, not just "be right" in your mind. It's imitating Christ, not trying to be perfect on your own.
This is going to take a lot of practice for me to internalize. But I feel a little refreshed that I can strive for humility and openness instead of perfection.
I want everyone to think I'm perfect. It upsets me when people see my faults, and it devastates me when people don't like me. I try to hide my faults and mistakes from Josh as much as possible because i think the more bad qualities he sees in me, the less he'll love me.
I told him this yesterday. I said, "Don't you feel that way?" He said no.
What I realized through the rest of our conversation is that I base so much of my confidence on being "perfect" and being likeable to everyone that when I am criticized, I receive it as a criticism of who I am, my whole identity, instead of a criticism of a behavior I can change.
Josh said, "I am a confident person. When you don't like something I do, I know I can change it."
This isn't how my brain works. I said, if you're a confident person, why are you so willing to change?
He said, "because my confidence isn't in my behaviors. Those aren't who I am." Then he explained it this way, which has been simmering in my head for the last 24 hours:
It's like with our salvation. Christ loves us. We're His. But we don't become His and then never change. We're called to be imitators of Christ. Christ was humble, yet He was perfect. We aren't perfect at all, so we need to be humble and then be willing to change to be like Him. Admitting fault is not the same as admitting worthlessness.
This idea of Christ embracing humility in spite of His perfection is in Philippians 2:3-11.
I think this is a big key to being a good apologizer that I've been missing. Admitting that you're wrong and apologizing is not admitting that you're worthless. It is having enough confidence in what is right that you are willing to change the things that are wrong.
It's not being afraid of being wrong, because you truly want to do what's right, not just "be right" in your mind. It's imitating Christ, not trying to be perfect on your own.
This is going to take a lot of practice for me to internalize. But I feel a little refreshed that I can strive for humility and openness instead of perfection.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Who am I serving?
Several weeks ago, there was a message at church called Greatness Redefined. The gist, to simplify it to the point that resonated with me, was that serving others is greater than being served. In God's eyes, you are "great" if you are a servant to those around you, not if you have certain status or image.
It took awhile for this to sink in for me. In a real way, at least.
It sounded pretty simple, because how I often do I tell people to serve me? I don't seek to be served. Well, maybe not literally, if you're picturing the whole feet-washing scenario or treating those around you like your personal waitstaff. But that kind of serving isn't really the point here. Taking it so literally was really a way of copping out.
When I started to think of it in terms of my spiritual life, things changed for me. How much of my spiritual life is made up of me serving, and how much of it is me being served? When I go to church, I'm served by the worship team, the pastor, the people who welcome me and the people who make and set up the coffee. I'm also served by those who maintain the building, the volunteers who run the sound and slides, and a lot more people who I don't even think of. I don't have to give anything back. I just go and get filled up.
When I go to lifegroup, I definitely spend time encouraging the people around me and building relationships, but for the most part I'm served by the leaders who prepare the discussion and the people who give up their home every week to host. I don't have to put much thought into it; I go, I get filled up.
If I'm really being honest with myself, this is how a lot of things all throughout my spiritual life have been. I'm very involved in church, but how much am I really serving versus how much I am being served?
I knew before we moved to Colorado that one of the first things I wanted to do at our new church was work with students. I've never done it on a really deep level before, and while I knew it would be a commitment and an investment, I didn't really know what to expect.
About a month ago, on a Wednesday when I had worked all day and wanted nothing more than to crash on the couch for the rest of the night, there was a student ministries event. It was only one week until my middle school girls lifegroup was starting up, so I wanted to go and start getting to know the girls. But boy, was I tired. I did not want to give of myself. I did not want to be drained for the sake of someone else.
It turned out that God gave me more renewed energy and excitement and strength through serving that night than I ever would have gotten from a few hours vegging on the couch. One girl who hadn't even heard of lifegroups at the beginning of the night left with information about my group and excited about getting involved. Serving was so much more rewarding than being served.
Since then, co-leading a lifegroup and getting to know these middle school girls is turning out to be one of my favorite things I've ever ventured to do. Besides the fact that I am forced to think about something more important than myself at least once a week, I am inspired by their faith and insights, humbled by the fact that I am an example to other girls who are in the same vulnerable place I was in ten years ago, and so excited each week at the potential for God to use me in big ways.
I don't think I can completely explain it, because I know that before I did this, the thought of "another thing to do" overwhelmed my ability to imagine the possibilities of serving. It's just a matter of stepping out and putting yourself in a situation where God can use your gifts to touch other people. Then watch what He will do!
It took awhile for this to sink in for me. In a real way, at least.
It sounded pretty simple, because how I often do I tell people to serve me? I don't seek to be served. Well, maybe not literally, if you're picturing the whole feet-washing scenario or treating those around you like your personal waitstaff. But that kind of serving isn't really the point here. Taking it so literally was really a way of copping out.
When I started to think of it in terms of my spiritual life, things changed for me. How much of my spiritual life is made up of me serving, and how much of it is me being served? When I go to church, I'm served by the worship team, the pastor, the people who welcome me and the people who make and set up the coffee. I'm also served by those who maintain the building, the volunteers who run the sound and slides, and a lot more people who I don't even think of. I don't have to give anything back. I just go and get filled up.
When I go to lifegroup, I definitely spend time encouraging the people around me and building relationships, but for the most part I'm served by the leaders who prepare the discussion and the people who give up their home every week to host. I don't have to put much thought into it; I go, I get filled up.
If I'm really being honest with myself, this is how a lot of things all throughout my spiritual life have been. I'm very involved in church, but how much am I really serving versus how much I am being served?
I knew before we moved to Colorado that one of the first things I wanted to do at our new church was work with students. I've never done it on a really deep level before, and while I knew it would be a commitment and an investment, I didn't really know what to expect.
About a month ago, on a Wednesday when I had worked all day and wanted nothing more than to crash on the couch for the rest of the night, there was a student ministries event. It was only one week until my middle school girls lifegroup was starting up, so I wanted to go and start getting to know the girls. But boy, was I tired. I did not want to give of myself. I did not want to be drained for the sake of someone else.
It turned out that God gave me more renewed energy and excitement and strength through serving that night than I ever would have gotten from a few hours vegging on the couch. One girl who hadn't even heard of lifegroups at the beginning of the night left with information about my group and excited about getting involved. Serving was so much more rewarding than being served.
Since then, co-leading a lifegroup and getting to know these middle school girls is turning out to be one of my favorite things I've ever ventured to do. Besides the fact that I am forced to think about something more important than myself at least once a week, I am inspired by their faith and insights, humbled by the fact that I am an example to other girls who are in the same vulnerable place I was in ten years ago, and so excited each week at the potential for God to use me in big ways.
I don't think I can completely explain it, because I know that before I did this, the thought of "another thing to do" overwhelmed my ability to imagine the possibilities of serving. It's just a matter of stepping out and putting yourself in a situation where God can use your gifts to touch other people. Then watch what He will do!
Monday, September 13, 2010
This is where the healing begins
Sometimes, a song can really hit me right where I am. Not even just where I am in a stage in life, but where I am that day or afternoon. Since we've been in Colorado and have two different Christian radio stations, I've been hearing a lot more good Christian music than I ever did in Florida.
Today I finally faced up to some struggles I've been having and shared them with a friend. Talking to someone who will not only listen when you need help but will also give you godly, wise advice is so important. Knowing I'm not alone and that someone I trust will keep me accountable changes the whole battle. After talking to her and, in the process, coming clean to myself, I felt broken in that I wasn't trying to hide or fool myself anymore. I was ready to trust God for real and start handing myself daily, hourly, minute-by-minute over to Him.
This afternoon I heard Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North, which I've always liked but hadn't heard in a while. I really listened to the words and just sat for a while thinking on them. It's a really powerful song, so I wanted to share it.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
Today I finally faced up to some struggles I've been having and shared them with a friend. Talking to someone who will not only listen when you need help but will also give you godly, wise advice is so important. Knowing I'm not alone and that someone I trust will keep me accountable changes the whole battle. After talking to her and, in the process, coming clean to myself, I felt broken in that I wasn't trying to hide or fool myself anymore. I was ready to trust God for real and start handing myself daily, hourly, minute-by-minute over to Him.
This afternoon I heard Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North, which I've always liked but hadn't heard in a while. I really listened to the words and just sat for a while thinking on them. It's a really powerful song, so I wanted to share it.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
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