Overcome your Pregnancy Fears: Am I Ready?

In June I shared part one of a series on overcoming pregnancy fears. In it I talked about birth and body image, concerns that were at the top of my stress list during pregnancy. And what you look like after having a baby matters, but there were other fears--deeper, haunting ones--that I just plain avoided thinking about. 

Can I be a good mom?

Will I know what to do?

Am I ready?

The question of my ability and readiness to be completely responsible for a tiny human being was not only scary, it was embarrassing. I wanted to just be a "natural" at the whole mom thing. I wanted to sail through my pregnancy, 100% confident and excited about the newborn that was about to enter my life. 

But to be honest, thoughts of caring for a new baby filled me with as much confusion and worry as it did excitement. And, duh, that's to be expected. Becoming a parent is not comparable to any other experience in your life. 

I guess it's pride that makes us choke down these insecurities instead of asking for help and realizing we're normal, flawed people. So swallow your pride with me and be reassured that you can do this. 

1. You don't have to love everyone else's kids to be a good mom. 
During my pregnancy, there were times that being around children filled me with expectant joy. There were also times it filled me with dread and guilt. I would hold a friend's baby and after several minutes think, "This is nice, but would get boring after a few hours. What if I get tired of having my baby around? What if I regret having a baby?"

I would see a group of loud elementary-age kids bounding through the halls at church and hate that all I felt was tired and mildly annoyed by their presence. Pregnant women are supposed to love all kids, right? That's why they got pregnant in the first place!

I would remind myself: I am having one baby, not ten fifth-graders. And that turned out to be a good mantra. My son is now 15 months old, and I have adored him at every stage so far. He is my son, and that makes a difference in a way you can't anticipate. 

2. You already have everything your baby really wants and needs. 

As I registered for a bunch of products I’d never used before, as baby showers came and went, and as I read article after article about what I needed to buy, panic definitely set in for me. All I knew was that I needed stuff. A lot of stuff. And what exactly I needed was not really clear; I just knew I wasn’t prepared enough.

Adding to my fears was the fact that we lived in a one-bedroom apartment at the time, so even if we had enough money to buy everything we supposedly needed, we didn’t have the square footage to store it. 

Basically, I needed to prepare very strategically for something about which I knew very little. Hmmm.

If you are nodding your head in frustrated agreement, I offer this to revive you from your panic attack: In those first few months, toys and bouncers and all the other gear will matter very little. Here’s what you’ll be doing a lot of:

• Nursing (or bottle feeding)
• Changing diapers and jammies (and, therefore, doing laundry often)
• Rocking and cuddling Baby

It’s pretty simple. Your baby wants you. The newborn phase is most of all about bonding with this brand new little person. And even though at times it will feel never-ending, this phase will be over before you know it.

Meeting a newborn’s needs is exhausting, but it isn’t complicated. So stop fearfully going over your registry and follow this next point of advice:

3. Prepare for the little things. 
In my experience, the things that will matter most to you with a newborn are small, everyday needs. If you’re nursing, you’re going to be nursing a lot and at all hours of the night. Put together a basket of easy-to-eat snacks and keep a large water bottle by your glider, because you will be hungry and thirsty all the time. Like, mama bear emerging from hibernation hungry.

You’ll also want nipple cream (you can find great natural ones) and nursing pads. I had stocked up with disposable pads when I was pregnant, but I found them to be itchy and uncomfortable. My doula gave me a sample pack of Bamboobie washable nursing pads, and they were great. I hadn’t realized how much I would need nursing pads, during the day and overnight.

Make sure you come home to plenty of nursing-friendly pajamas and comfortable clothes to wear around the house. Your body is still recovering from birth, your tummy is not back to normal, and trying to find something to wear can be a pain. Make it easy on yourself and set out clothes that will make you feel good, not self conscious.

You already know the drill when it comes to diaper changing: diapers, wipes, ointment. Check. The other necessity to keep with your diaper supplies for all those middle-of-the-night diaper changes: zip-up bodysuits. Cute newborn outfits are great, but with constant diaper changes, I preferred to keep Josiah in something warm, comfortable, and easy to put on and take off. Zippers are infinitely easier to maneuver than snaps when you’re running on about zero hours of sleep. Stock up on at least 10 bodysuits so that you don’t have to do laundry constantly.

Fellow mamas, what little things were most important to you during the newborn phase? What will you prepare for next time?

Overcome Your Pregnancy Fears: Birth, Body Image and Marriage

During the last few months of my pregnancy, I was a big (BIG) ball of stress and anxiety. My fears ranged from small (what do I pack in my hospital bag?) to big (what if I don't like kids enough to be a good parent?). 

I was excited about a lot of things, and I was so happy to be becoming a mom, but with that amazing 9-pound baby came more worry and anxiety than I'd ever felt in my life. Everything was unknown, most advice felt unhelpful, and I was overwhelmed. 

I am looking forward to my next pregnancy because there will be far fewer scary unknowns. And while some fears are just not going to subside until you've passed the big day and your baby is here, here are some reasons why you can stop stressing just a little.

In part one of a three-part series (yes, there are that many things to stress about!), I'm going to focus on fears related to birth, your body, and your marriage. In part two we'll look at preparing for baby. 

1. Your body was specifically designed to give birth. You can do it. 
Disclaimer: For those of you reading this who have had difficult birth experiences, please know that I in no way judge or look down on you. Our birth experiences are deeply personal and the last thing we need is criticism from each other. My only goal in offering my feelings about birth is to encourage and empower women to have the best birth experience possible.

If you are anticipating giving birth with great terror, I can understand why. Movies depict women screaming in hospital beds, school health classes don't even teach about natural birth, and your doctor talks about pain, pain, pain. We are taught that birth is a traumatic, dangerous medical event.

But here's the thing, ladies: God designed our bodies beautifully and miraculously to carry and deliver a human being into the world. It's one of the most natural things you'll ever do. The best thing you can do to prepare for labor and delivery is to practice relaxation techniques and focus on positive thinking, not negative thinking. 

Labor is intense, and I believe the reason why most women feel that they have to have drugs is because they go in expecting pain, then feel overwhelmed and out of control. If you are calm and positive during labor instead of fighting your body and focusing on fear, you can have a beautiful, natural birth.

If you'd like to learn more about how to practically prepare to have a natural birth, read about Hypnobirthing here.

2. Your body will be just fine after giving birth. 
As my due date grew closer, I was afraid of what my body would look like in the hours and days after giving birth. My belly was huge, people, and visions of a saggy, deflated balloon for a tummy haunted my dreams. Even though he assured me over and over, I was worried that my husband wouldn't find me attractive. Basically, pregnancy and birth take your body and make it not yours for awhile, and it's scary.

I know everyone's body is different, and how healthy your lifestyle is during pregnancy will affect your recovery. But take heart that after giving birth, I felt completely opposite about my body from what I'd expected. 

After being pregnant for almost 42 weeks, my post-baby body was such a relief. I felt so light and small, even though I did still look about six months pregnant like you've probably been warned. I could lie on my back. My heartburn was gone. My body, though recovering, felt like it was mine again. I didn't have skin hanging down to my knees like I'd worried. Our bodies do take time to recover, but God is incredible. He has designed our bodies to know what to do before, during, and after birth. So be patient and trust your body to do what it needs to. 

Now, more than a year later, I will tell you that my body is not exactly the same as it was before I got pregnant. But, while the world around me says that the only purpose of my body is to stay as youthful and sexy as possible for everyone around me to enjoy, I believe that the joy of giving life and nurturing my son is much better. My body is everything it needs to be, for me, my husband, and my son.

Taking our first family walk at about 5 days old.

3. Your marriage as you know it does not have to end. 
As our baby-free days came to an end, I worried about how becoming parents would change our marriage. I was afraid that once I was a "mom" (said with dreadful emphasis) and not just his wife, my husband would see me differently. He'd still love me, but I wouldn't be as young, attractive or exciting.

I also felt an overwhelming surge of panic in the last weeks of my pregnancy because our "just us" time was ending, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was certain that we wouldn't be the same "us" after the baby was born.

There are two sides to the reality of your marriage once a baby is in the picture. First: You are exhausted. I mean really, really tired. It's true that you and your husband will not feel like yourselves for a few weeks. Caring for a newborn is hard.

But here's the thing: before, you and your husband had each other. Now there is this brand new, incredible human being whom you both desperately love. The feeling of loving your child so much is great. Sharing that feeling with another person is beautiful. And after those first few months, when you start to find a rhythm and get a little sleep and time to yourself, you'll find that you and your husband are still the same people. In fact, my husband and I have a deeper appreciation for each other now that we get to watch each other as parents. God created the family, and it's a good thing.

Fellow mamas, what did you (or do you) stress about during pregnancy? What wisdom have you picked up along the way?