That isn't what you learned about Christ.

Paul wrote Ephesians to believers who were living in a culture of unbelief and sin. As I read Ephesians 4:17-24 this morning, I felt like Paul was writing to me in my culture.
Verses 17-19 sum up the problem:
Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against Him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.
Here's the turning point in verses 20-22.
But that isn't what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
Here's how we do that (verses 23-24).

Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God -- truly righteous and holy.

This is big for me not because I forget that I live in a culture that is full of darkness and hardened against God, but because I start to think the goal is to be a little bit better than the world rather than to be as radically different as possible.

As I struggle against temptation -- and wow, is Satan attacking me in this time of my life -- I tend to live in justifications.

Entertaining "what ifs" and sinful thoughts are not as bad as actually acting on my thoughts, right? I mean, t0ns of people do the things I'm thinking about, so I'm not hurting anyone.

Paul says, "that isn't what you learned about Christ. ... let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes." Notice he doesn't say renew your actions, the things on the outside that are exposed. Renew your thoughts and attitudes. Those desires, lusts, judgments and rages that you keep entrenched on the inside where no one can find you out or set you straight. Where Satan can continue to keep you in secret chains.

Jesus said in Mark 7:21-23,

It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person's heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.

The only way I can get rid of the darkness that tries to take hold inside of me is to be filled with and renewed by God's Spirit. That means a lot of prayer and honest surrender of the desires that I want to cling to.

Dear X by Disciple describes the constant battle with sins of the heart and has become something of an anthem for me.

True delight

How can I live in abandonment to God for the pure sake of loving Christ, not for getting anything in return?

Even today as I prayed to discover God more and hear His voice and feel His presence, I prayed it more out of a desire for peace and rest in my own spirit, not so much out of a desire to delight the heart of God. What does it mean to seek Jesus purely out of love for Him rather than for the benefits I get?

My Utmost for His Highest says:

We have got so commercialized that we only go to God for something from Him, not for Himself. It is like saying, "No, Lord, I don't want Thee, I want myself; but I want myself clean and filled with the Holy (Spirit); I want to be put in Thy showroom and be able to say, 'This is what God has done for me' (March 12)."

Right now, I seek God in desire of a job and friends and a church family and more peace at home and a stronger relationship with my husband. I don't just seek God in desire of God.

Psalm 37:4 has been a favorite verse of mine since high school:

Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I think I've always focused too much on the promise in the second half of the verse, taking comfort that God knows and cares about the inner desires of my heart. In order to get that promise, I need to figure out how to delight in the Lord without the desires of my heart anywhere on my mind. Maybe I would paraphrase the verse like this:

Lay down the desires of your heart and delight only in the Lord; then He will bless those desires more than you yourself could have orchestrated.

Lord, help me to seek You not because I love Your provision and Your gifts, but because I love You. Let it be as simple as that. Help me delight in You.