How can I live in abandonment to God for the pure sake of loving Christ, not for getting anything in return?
Even today as I prayed to discover God more and hear His voice and feel His presence, I prayed it more out of a desire for peace and rest in my own spirit, not so much out of a desire to delight the heart of God. What does it mean to seek Jesus purely out of love for Him rather than for the benefits I get?
My Utmost for His Highest says:
We have got so commercialized that we only go to God for something from Him, not for Himself. It is like saying, "No, Lord, I don't want Thee, I want myself; but I want myself clean and filled with the Holy (Spirit); I want to be put in Thy showroom and be able to say, 'This is what God has done for me' (March 12)."
Right now, I seek God in desire of a job and friends and a church family and more peace at home and a stronger relationship with my husband. I don't just seek God in desire of God.
Psalm 37:4 has been a favorite verse of mine since high school:
Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
I think I've always focused too much on the promise in the second half of the verse, taking comfort that God knows and cares about the inner desires of my heart. In order to get that promise, I need to figure out how to delight in the Lord without the desires of my heart anywhere on my mind. Maybe I would paraphrase the verse like this:
Lay down the desires of your heart and delight only in the Lord; then He will bless those desires more than you yourself could have orchestrated.
Lord, help me to seek You not because I love Your provision and Your gifts, but because I love You. Let it be as simple as that. Help me delight in You.