My memory verse for today:
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."
I went an entire week without my quiet time with God while we were on our cruise, and I feel so disconnected from Him and unfocused in my life. Not like before, but I am more sensitive now to when my perspective becomes more about me and less about Him. And I see now that it is impossible to have His perspective if I am not spending time with Him every day.
There's something that I was feeling even before the cruise that I kept pushing aside. When the newness of pursuing God fades -- for me, after about a month or so -- it takes discipline to continue the same level of relationship with Him. As much as I hate that, as much as I want to stay in a state of infatuation with my Lord, I think this is a natural order of things.
Prayer and meditation wouldn't be called spiritual disciplines if it didn't take a surrendering of my will and a denial of my desires to do them. Often I say, 'I want to serve you, God,' or 'I want to die to myself and live for You,' and yet, I want it to be easy. If it were always easy, would it really be service? Would it really be death of my selfish desires?
I am tempted to brush this struggle under the rug and deny its existence because I worry that if following Jesus is a struggle against myself, then I don't love Him enough. But now I think I will embrace the struggle, knowing it will produce spiritual discipline in me. How much more genuine will my service to God and my relationship with Him be if I overcome the barriers that make it difficult?